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- as the popular saying goes, FML.
it makes me so sad to be a woman lately. actually, it makes me feel very bitter towards the women i know. i don’t hang out with any girls i really respect. i know girls i respect but they aren’t the ones i spend most of my time with. it’s got to be by default, and that’s what makes me embittered about the sorority. the girls are cool but just not morally advanced to me. i don’t respect them. i don’t think they’ve taught me anything and i dont have it in me to teach things to them. i know helping people can feel good but i need to be receiving something in return. i know i could help women but i just need some in my life who help me. olivia’s great but there’s only so much she can understand on an intellectual level. my mom is a good person in many ways but this isn’t something that is a big force in her mind. i feel like kat, megan, natalia, and heidi are probbaly pretty cool but i don’t hang out with them as much as i’d like. i want to. i want to have a serious conversation with someone that doesn’t end on a depressing note like they always seem to.
i think that i am connecting more with boys right now. or intrigued more anyway maybe bc i’m not around them enough to know better. i dont think that boys are all on the same page as me but i admire mustafa so much. i wish i had more solid strong people in my life and it is a life lesson not to be able to rely on anybody.
when i’m alone in the room i often don’t want to deal with my roommates. i don’t anticipate getting far with them and i’ve got enough on my mind, i don’t want to deal with someone else’s shit. i just feel quite unfulfilled. lately i have been wanting to do something that will make people stop and remember me instead of taking me for granted all the time. again, i think part of me taking this path as a woman in my life is that i will be alone a lot so i need to get used to it. i am just pretty lonely and i don’t mean romantically. i mean interpersonally i feel unfulfilled.
